Testimony 26/10/05: Complaining, Complaining and Complaining

I felt so silly. All these while all I can do is complaining, complaining and complaining. I have to work and I have no knowledge in the business at all. It is tiring. It is time consuming, and sometimes with little fruit, if there’s any at all. I don’t know what are these all about.

But then I suddenly realized that God is using this to fulfill my dream. It is a stepping-stone for me. It may be difficult in the beginning and requires hard work. But those entrusted with little, little will be demanded and those entrusted much, much will be demanded.

I guess it is a new level for me. And on this higher level, more will be demanded of me. I thank God for reminding me to be faithful in small things every time and again. And so… I should stop complaining.

Testimony 23/10/05: He Is Carrying A Backpack!

His skin is tanned. Sweat streaming down his face. His hair matted, his clothe soaking wet, his body perspiring. His chest is pumping up and down. He is breathing heavily. This guy is running a marathon.

But as he passes by, you notice something … he is carrying a backpack! And oh, look… his left hand holds some plastic bags full of things. And his right hand is pulling a huge luggage. You wonder why he’s carrying all those things…

***

Our live is like a marathon. We have to run the race in such a way as to win a prize. And to run effectively, we can’t carry burdens with us. We have to let go off our loads.

Are you carrying your past with you? Are you carrying your hurts? Resentment? Bitterness? Disappointments? Pressures or expectations people put on you? May be it’s time to let them go… and really run!

Testimony 23/10/05: Then Jesus Didn’t Have to Die

“I want to hold my grandchildren,” said a woman. “I want to retire well,” said another.

“Then Jesus didn’t have to die!” replied a pastor.

The pastor was asking middle-aged women for the hopes they have for the rest of their lives. He was disappointed to find the answers. “If all you want is just to retire, relax, eat and drink… then Jesus didn’t have to die!”

What a profound truth! How many times do we find people saying: I want a rich husband. I want a big house. I want a good career. I want a BMW. I want to travel around the world. I want to live a long life…

Well… then Jesus didn’t have to die! What do you want? What is your purpose in life? Is it worth Jesus dying on the cross?

News 24/10/05: Three Months

Three months.

Three months is enough to make me feel detached from friends in Melbourne. And three months is not enough to get connected to the people over here yet. As much as I try to keep in touch with those across the miles, it is will never be the same. And as much as I try to connect with the people here, it needs time.

Three months is enough to jam my English right on my throat. And three months is not enough to develop my native language back!

Hmmm... it is not a very nice place to be.

Testimony 19/10/05: God Is My Strength… or Is He?

I was attacked by severe sadness. My heart raced, my mind was distracted and my chest was suffocated with fear. I knew why and I knew what triggered it but I felt so helpless.

Then I met Carol, my long time friend. She was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, an inflammation of every join in the body. It affects her back, hands, legs, chest, even the little joins in her fingers! The cause is unknown and it attacks even small children. Her body goes painful when kept unmoved, especially after she sleeps. She has difficulties getting undressed and struggles to squeeze the toothpaste to brush her teeth every morning. She couldn’t make her bed and sometimes it makes her feel like an invalid. She gets tired quite easily too. Carol takes steroids daily, and wonder how she could bear children having to take this medicine for life.

Everyday she prays for healing and everyday people pray for her, but the pain is still there. She struggled when she found out that she suffers from this life-long illness. She knew God is her shelter, her help, her strong tower, her provider…. But really, really, who is God in this situation? Who is God in this illness? She found out that God is still her everything. And so she has learned to accept the pain and moves on with life. If pain is what she has to endure everyday, then she would.

And then she asked me the question… who is God in my situation? Is God my refuge? Is God my help in times of need? God is my strength… or is He? How I pondered upon that question! She told me that God wants to shape me into His likeness. And yes I know well that God wants to break my “absoluteness”. You see, I know no gray; I only know either black or white. When things do not work the way I plan or expect… I break down so badly, leaving God’s mysterious ways out of calculation.

Now when sad thoughts attack again, I would come back to that question: Who are you, God, in this circumstance? And I know He will prove Himself faithful.

Ever since her diagnosis, Carol has found out new ways of doing things like squeezing the toothpaste against the wall and using pen with larger grip to reduce pressure on her fingers while writing. She still teaches school children every day, serves in church, counsel people and shares her testimonies. And how it encourages others! I praise God for the chance of staying overnight at Carol’s, even just for a night. She is really strong because of what God has done in her. What a living testimony indeed!

News 10/10/05: Third Round

My lower lip has no sensation still, so I went to the hospital for another check up. The doctor was having a look when he noticed that instead of growing flesh, the gum created a hollow in the place where the wisdom tooth was taken. And food was trapped in it. As a result, the doctor cleaned it and… injured the gum one more time and stuck them together to close the gap! Local anesthetic was supposed to be used for the procedure but I refused. After two weeks, my lip is still numb. I don’t want to add another long weeks of recovery. Anyway, that area was still quite insensitive, so I only felt a little bit of pain.

However, I felt much frustration. It was painful and the pain was persistent. I got 3rd round of antibiotics (I don’t know what will become of my body!). I even forgot to follow up about the lack of feeling on my lip. I didn’t get the assurance of when it will all recover. I guess I will have to wait for another week or two…

Testimony 09/10/05: If Our House Was A Galaxy

“If our house was a galaxy, the earth is a grain of sand. Who can claim that she gets a vision from God?”

I got nervous… I know God is BIG yet He is powerful enough to care for each one of us…

“If this house was the universe, the earth is like a dust so small it can’t be seen by the bare human eyes. No one can declare that she hears anything from God.”

That’s not true… but what am I supposed to do? Oh no, I got even more nervous

“I don’t like it when someone says she has a vision from God.”

What am I supposed to say and… how am I to say it? What if I say the wrong thing? What if he asks me questions?

“But if a person’s ability is high enough, it is possible to hear from God,” someone defended.

“No, it does not depend on who we are. It depends on God. If God wants to speak, then He will speak,” I heard a voice saying. Then I was surprised… it was my voice!

***

Hmmm… tonight, I think I understand a little bit more of what Jesus said in Mark 13: 11 “… do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time., for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.”

Testimony 08/10/05: If We Wait

My dad has a huge fishpond. A few of us helped him cleaned it during the weekend. We all held different kind of tools: one held a brush, another a bucket, still another a hose. I held a tool to push away the dirt.

There was about 20mm of water left. As the soiled water rushed into the drain, I stood at one side of the pond and pushed the dirt toward the hole. As the muddy water went away, water from other place came and filled the gap. With it was more dirt. Staying at the same spot, I pushed it away. Still there was more water, and so I pushed again.

Then I noticed that the dirt kept coming, even though with less density compared to the one before. I realized I couldn’t make one area perfectly clean before I move on to another part of the pond. Other parts were thick with mud too. When I moved around and started pushing the dirt away, only then the pond got cleaner faster… much faster.

How many times do we wait to be perfect before we help others? How often do we insist not to evangelise till we are flawless? How many times do we wait to be “just right” in one thing before we move on to another? Once I thought I want to understand the whole Bible before I can to share Christ to others. Other occasion, I want to get completely healed from my past before I move on or help others or join a ministry. I even refused to speak Chinese until I understand everything!

If we wait to be perfect before we evangelise, then no one will get saved. If we wait to be flawless before we help others, no one will get helped! If we wait to be spotless before we join a ministry, no one will serve in church. In fact, if I wait to understand everything, I would never speak Chinese! No body is perfect! We have to go around doing good and stop making excuses not to serve the Lord with all that we are! After all, we could learn the truth we might never understand otherwise.

Acts 10:38

“…God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and… he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him.”

News 03/10/05: After 96 Hours

Last week I took another of my wisdom tooth out. It has grown horizontally. The tooth was crushed before it could be taken out. The tough process went on as I closed my eyes and prayed to Jesus for minimal pain and speedy recovery.

After one day, my lower right lip still hasn’t gained its sensation back. It felt very thick. Whenever I drank, I couldn’t feel the cup resting on it. Whenever I cleaned my teeth, I couldn’t feel my toothbrush touching my gum! I thought it was because the anesthetic hasn’t worn out yet. But it continued the next day… and the day after…

After 96 hours, my lip was still numb and the nerve started sending out funny signals. I got constant pins and needles sensation on my chin. Sometimes it sent pain signals but I was not sure if the pain was really there!

Today I went to the doctor to take out the stitches. The gum was still painful. And because of that and other complains I gave, the doctor put me on antibiotic once again. He also gave me vitamins to help my nerve to get better. The tricky position of the tooth might have contributed to the problem I faced now. But hopefully I could gain back my feeling in the week to come. Amen!

News 01/10/05: Bombs, Petrol and Avian Flu

In 1918 and early 1919, Spain Flu killed 50-100 million people around the world. Now a new breed of virus is emerging. Avian Flu H5N1 could kill up to 360 million people if necessary steps are not taken immediately (National Geographic Indonesia, October 2005). More and more people in Indonesia fell victim to this bug. A lot of those infected died. If a pandemic were about to happen in the world, Indonesia would be its epicenter.

***

The streets all over Indonesia were flooded with people for the past week. As the world oil price soared to a record high, Indonesian government decided to increase the prices of oil in the local market. The public disagreed and went protesting. But the nation’s budget has dived so deep into deficit the government cannot afford subsidising petrol anymore. And today, the prices of oil in Indonesia rose 107% on average. And people screamed.

Rising the oil price. A necessary step with effects we don’t dare to imagine. Increased price of goods. Closure of businesses. Unemployment. Starvation. Robbery. Looting. Murder…

***

Today, six bombs blasted in Bali. Four others were defused by authorities. At least 25 people pronounced dead and hundreds wounded. One of the bombs exploded in R.aja’s. Once my favourite restaurant, now blackened with carbon, with human flesh stuck on its walls. The smell of fresh blood filled the air. And terror filled the heart of humanity once again. The incident has reopened an old wound. In 2002, three bombs blew, killing hundreds while injuring many more. Bali was gaining its live back and Indonesia its strength, but evil force wouldn’t give it a chance.

***

Struck by avian flu. Slammed by oil prices. Crushed by bombs and terror. Please pray for protection… and for a blood-washed Indonesia.

2 Chronicles 7:14
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Testimony 28/09/05: May Be It Is Playtime

My finger was running through the remote control when my eyes caught the image of cute baby animals in The National Geographic Channel. It was about animal play. A lion cub catches its brother’s back. A baby cheetah bites its sister’s neck. A baby chimp swings a small piece of wood. A young deer slams its antler onto his friend’s.

What playing is all about? It’s about practicing. It is like doing the little things before bigger assignments. It is like the exercise before the exam. It is like the rehearsal before the performance.

A lion would someday catch his meal by first taking hold of the victim’s back. A cheetah would someday suffocate its victim by grabbing its neck. A chimp would have to someday crack open nuts for his food. A deer would someday fight for a female with another male.

How amazing to know that God has made everything for a purpose. And He has allowed anything to happen for a reason too. So if you find yourself getting caught in a situation you don’t expect, or doing something you don’t fully understand, something seems so small and insignificant… well, may be it’s “playtime”.